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The Game of Self

You’ve been playing this game your whole life. This is the game board.

And then “you” showed up on the scene. A little ball of “nothingness” traveled through the horizontal vesica piscis in the middle of the self and ended up as a Godself Realized Noself in the Iself space. 555+0+111 = 666

It’ll take 18 – 30 months till you realize that you are separate from anything and anyone in your environment. Somewhere between 1 1/2 and 2 1/2 years of age you develop what is called a Categorical Self and begin to think of yourself in terms of this and that and me and mine.

Congratulations! You are now an Iself (or individual self) in the Iself space. Most people will live their entire life within the black area of the game board and die as spiritual infants.

Let’s back up a little here and define terms and state the “goal” of this game (if indeed there is one).

What is the Iself? In the context of this mantra, the Iself is the individual self.  It is your personal subjective experience of being you (aka your egoic self).  The Iself is your sense of individuation and is based upon your body, your relationships, your possessions, your worldview, your life story, your preferences and all of the things that differentiate you from other people and form your sense of personal identity. 

What is the Allself?  In the context of this mantra, the “Allself” is the universal self or cosmic consciousness.  The Allself is the everywhere, the everywhen, the everything and the everybody.  The Allself is the cosmic consciousness that is busy being everybody doing everything including being “you.”  We are not separate from the universe within which we find ourselves.  We are all connected to each other and we are all connected to the singular field of consciousness that permeates all of creation.  The Allself is eternal and unchanging.  The Allself is the known known aspect of consciousness also known as the Everythingness.

Another way to visualize the Allself:

What is the Godself?

The Godself is the energy of the eternal or the divine.  The Godself is the  power of creation.  The Godself is beyond comprehension and transcendent.  The Godself is the spark of creation that I am/we are.   The Godself is the powers of manifestation and the flow of creativity.  It is the divine warm light that makes anything possible.   The Godself is unconditional love in its most natural state.  The Godself is the known unknown aspect of consciousness also known as the Beyondness.

What is the Noself?

The Noself is akin to the void.  It has no sense of self at all and exists as pure potential.  It is the “canvas” upon which all of physicality is manifested.  All of us have experienced embodiment of the Noself.  Small children are born without a separate sense of self.  During early childhood, children start to develop a “self-concept,” the attributes, abilities, attitudes and values that they believe define them. By age 3, (between 18 and 30 months), children have developed their Categorical Self, which is concrete way of viewing themselves in “this or that” labels.   Before development of a separate sense of self, small children lack subject / object orientation in relation to themselves and this is why most people do not have any significant memories of themselves as a small child.  The Noself is the unknown unknown aspect of consciousness also known as the “great” or infinite Nothingness.

The “Goal” is to be centered in the Self. The ideal is to simultaneously realize on a transcendent level that you are this individual self, everyone and everything, God and the infinite nothingness.

The Game of Self answers the question “Who am I?” but it doesn’t answer the question “What am I?” The answer to that question is that you are CONSCIOUSNESS. You are all of consciousness, not only the calm, peaceful, restful aspects of consciousness.

The four aspects of consciousness: The unknown known (Iself), the known known (Allself), the known unknown (Godself) and the unknown unknown (Noself)

I will now get to step 2. I will relate aspects of my own awakening as that is what I am most intimately familiar with. On February 26th, 2018, I was given the first 2 lines of the Self Realization Mantra by spirit (source) and had my Allself awakening at 2PM. IMHO, an Allself awakening is the most likely first step outside of the black area of the Iself field. Since you can see everyone and everything, that’s your most likely first step, but it could happen differently. Your results may vary.

I Am Thee Iself

I Am Thee Allself

On February 26th, 2018 at 2 PM, I had my Allself awakening. I crossed over into the 222 consciousness field which is an overlap of the Iself field with the Allself field. I KNEW (not thought, believed, hoped, wished, or felt) that we are all one thing. A thought bubble rose up in my mind at that precise moment and it went like this “Holy shit! I’m me, I’m God, I’m everyone and everything!”

460 days later, on May 31st, 2019, I was gifted the last 2 lines of the Self Realization Mantra. 9 days of mantra chanting later, I had my transcendent awakening to oneness.

I Am Thee Iself

I Am Thee Allself

I Am Thee Godself

I Am Thee Noself

The last 2 realizations happened very quickly in succession on June 9th, 2019 at 4PM. I realized that I am God (the Godself) and the infinite nothingness (Noself) right afterwards.

Points of clarification:

Once you break out of the black Iself space into the overlapping Allself or Godself, there’s no unrealizing that realization. Once you cross over into an overlapping consciousness field, you will tend to bounce around within the various overlapping consciousness fields of which there are 9.

The 111, 333, 555 and 777 consciousness fields are harder to maintain. Chances are that your consciousness will come to rest in the 222, 444, 666 or 888 fields. I tend to find myself in the 888 and 222 fields most often. In the center of the Self, there is no action at all, so if you are engaged in some action in this world, your consciousness is operating from one of the 8 outer overlapping consciousness fields.

It is much more difficult to cross over 2 consciousness fields at the same time.

The Noself is the hardest realization IMHO because the mind cannot easily identify with absolute nothingness.

What is a transcendent awakening to oneness? Immediately after realizing myself as all 4 aspects of the Self, my perspective shifted beyond all identification into a state of awakened presence. I am all 4 aspects of the Self and at the exact same time, I am beyond all labels and all concepts.

May you come to be self realized and then transcend that realization.


The Animated Avadhuta – Read by Mooji

Truly, you are the unchanging essence of everything.
You are the unmoving unity.
You are boundless freedom.

Form and Formlessness

Even before the first thought arises in our minds, there is existence. I refer to this as “amness.” When we are born, we have unconscious (formless or nonconceptual) awareness, but we do not possess “consciousness” per se. Consciousness, as we normally think about it, is based on facts and concepts and thinking patterns and logic and reasoning and intuition and can be correctly described as conceptual consciousness.

A newborn baby has an unconscious awareness (formless or nonconceptual awareness). Awareness is the one constant feature of existence. In fact, you have never had an experience that you were not aware of. Every experience that you have ever had occurred within your conscious awareness. Awareness of awareness, or conscious (form-based or conceptual) awareness, is what is normally referred to as consciousness. Awareness of awareness doesn’t arise when you are born, it arises later.

Until you realize that you are a “thing,” until you realize that you have “itness,” you have unconscious (formless or nonconceptual) awareness. It is for this reason that most people have almost no memories of themselves as a very small child. Two factors are at play here – 1) with no language skills and a lack of symbolic logic, it is quite difficult to imprint or program memories and 2) you haven’t realized that you are a “thing” yet, so how could anything happen to you that you can remember?

This is not to say that nothing happened to you when you were a small child. You were fed and cuddled and dressed and transported and had diaper changes and baths. You played with other children and adults. But because you didn’t realize that you were a thing, nothing could happen that you were consciously aware of. Because you didn’t realize that you had itness, you had no reference point to encode a memory for anything that happened to you. Every single memory that you have is from after you developed an egoic sense of self because prior to the development of the ego you had no reference point to have memories.

In many spiritual traditions, an effort is made to get people to disidentify with everything external and internal. The line of thinking goes something like this: “You are not your body, you are not your thoughts, you are not your relationships, you are not your possessions, you are not your ego, you are not your job, you are not how you show up in the world, etc.” and to a large extent, this line of thinking is correct except, it leaves you with the conclusion that you are ONLY a formless field of clear awareness.

Formlessness moves into form and then back into formlessness. Impermanence is a very real thing. Many spiritual traditions and teachers provide a very binary choice of EITHER identifying as a formless field of clear awareness OR as your egoic sense of self.

Binary choices are a very limited way to perceive yourself. Your egoic sense of self (Iself) is a fluid act of improvisation and this egoic sense of self is rooted in your personal history, your body and your emotions. Your ego will perish when your body perishes and yet, for a very brief moment in time, this egoic self is an aspect of who you are.

Your Iself is the “mask” you put on when you go out into the world and it is who you tell yourself you are when you are talking to yourself in your head all day long. It is the character you are playing in the divine comedy we call life. Underneath this mask, you are the Noself.

You are all form and you are all formlessness. You are all consciousness. You are the ocean in a drop and you are a drop in the ocean. You are the deep still waters and you are the waves appearing on the surface. You are all of it. Below is a map of consciousness. On the left side is what is known. On the right side is what is unknown. The left side corresponds with the world of forms. The right side corresponds with formlessness. While it is tempting to identify ONLY as what is formless, to identify as strictly the Noself ignores all forms and is a logical error. You are ALL of consciousness, not only the formless aspects of consciousness.

I will close this post with these 2 videos. The speakers in these videos have a slightly different perspective than I do, but those differences are slight and inconsequential.

I Amness

The “I Amness” words by Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

“Where has the experience of being alive come from which started all this trouble? The ‘I’ consciousness appeared spontaneously and the experiences started. When you got yourself separated from the Absolute with this identity, ‘I am’, your demands started.

In the Absolute there are no needs of any kind, not even the need to know Itself. Brahman is the total truth; there is nothing else but Brahman. In That, the touch of beingness, ‘I am’, started, and then the separation and the sense of otherness appeared. Coming down into this world from the Absolute is like the appearance of a dream. Along with that appearance comes the primary ignorance, the false notion that you are the body. That is illusion, maya.

Maya is very powerful; she will get you completely wrapped up. She will make you do all her tricks, and that light of yours, the beingness gets extinguished. But, although she might be your greatest enemy, if you propitiate her properly, she will turn around and lead you to the highest state.

First, know that you are the manifest consciousness, the ‘I am’. Then go to the source and find out where this ‘I am’ came from. When you have knowledge you see the ‘I am’ as all-pervasive, so long as that consciousness is there. But then, this knowledge merges into no-knowledge, the Parabrahman, the witness of the consciousness. That has no ‘I am’; that is your true eternal nature. It is on this true, whole, homogeneous state that a small ripple appeared. Then the news came, “I am”. That news made all the difference, for then all this started. You must know your true state, and know that this ripple comes and goes on your true state.

Beingness witnesses all this manifestation, but the eternal principle, the Absolute, witnesses the beingness. The universal Absolute understands the play of the attributes, the projection of the mind, but the play cannot understand the Absolute. Prior to taking this form you were formless; then spontaneously the form came. But, once the form came there arose a natural longing to return to the formless, the desireless state.

Consciousness has to know consciousness. When it realizes itself, then you wake up and return to normal. In this waking up you have only the sense of being, without words; this is the primary principle… the prerequisite. A little later on, you know fully that you are and, therefore, the world is, but you also know that to be an illusion like the horns of a hare; the world is only a dream.

This consciousness of being ‘I am’, has created and sustained all the wonders in the world for which men take credit. It has tremendous powers. This beingness is itself Lord Krishna. It is whatever name you give to the Divinity.

Be devoted to this beingness. Always remember this ‘I am’ principle, and without the command or direction of this principle, do nothing. In the initial stages your devotion is of the surrendering type. In the final stages you become the entire universe.

Take it that this ‘I amness’ of yours is the unadulterated form of Godhood. The pure divine state is your beingness. Have full faith in It, give It its full importance, pray to It, and it will flower in you as the direct experience of Godliness.

Think: “The entire manifest beingness is myself and each being is a sample of myself. The knowledge ‘I am’ in each species is myself. The life force, luminous, bright, radiant, indwelling principle is myself.”

Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj”

June 29, 1980
Nisargadatta Maharaj: Whatever concept you have about yourself cannot be true. The “I Amness” is the prime concept, and it has to be satisfied by letting it do its normal work in the world. The important thing is the realization of the fact that it is a concept.
Questioner: In the world this concept is always trying to be at the top. Even to the children we say, “You must be first in the examination.” Is it wrong to push your personality and individuality on others?
M. What is wrong is that you consider yourself to be limited to this body and shape. What knowledge I try to give is given to the knowledge “I Am” in each of you, which is the same. If you try to get that knowledge as an individual you will never get it.
Q. If `I Am” is a concept and it disappears, how is one to know that that concept has disappeared?
M. That “I Am” is a concept is to be understood while the concept is there. Once it merges in the original state, who (or what) is there who wants to know? The illusory entity has disappeared.
Q. I am convinced that this “I Am” is a concept and it will end, but why should I take it that it is a false concept?
M. How and when did this very thought come? Did this thought not come merely as a movement in that concept itself? If the consciousness were not there, the thought would not be there.
Consciousness is a temporary condition which has come upon the total, timeless, spaceless, changeless state. It is a happening which has come and which will disappear.
This psychosomatic bundle which is born will suffer or enjoy during its allotted span; so long as I know that I am not the one who experiences, but I am the knower, how am I concerned?
It is perfectly clear. I merely watch the body, mind, and consciousness laugh or suffer. In suffering it may cry out, all right, cry out. If it is enjoying, it may laugh. I know it is a temporary thing, if it wants to go, let it go. While I am talking to you, imparting knowledge, at the same time I am feeling unbearable pain, if it becomes a little more unbearable I may whimper. It can do what it likes, I am not concerned.
So long as you have not known what this consciousness is, you will fear death; but when you really understand what this consciousness is, then the fear leaves, the idea of dying also will go.
This consciousness is time-bound, but the knower of the consciousness is eternal, the Absolute.
source: Nisargadatta, Prior to Consciousness p. 19

Commentary: Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj puts forth the idea that “The “I Amness” is the prime concept.” Before there can be “I Amness,” there has to be “amness” or beingness or existence from which the I thought arises. This brings up the question of whether existence is conceptual or factual. Descarte said “I think, therefore I am.” It is equally valid (if not more so) to state “I am, therefore I think.” Without amness, there can be no thought of “I amness.”

Being Aware of Being Aware

Nonduality Teacher Rupert Spira

The Advaita Trap

Some people take nonduality WAY too seriously and in the process turn into insufferable bores. You can fully embody oneness/nonduality and continue to use pronouns such as “I,” “me,” and “you” in a normal way and speak about people, places, times and situations in a regular and down to earth manner. If you take the teachings of nonduality and use them as a bludgeon to irritate and annoy others, that doesn’t make you enlightened, it makes you an asshole.

The 7 Essene Mirrors

From the perspective of the ancient Essenes, every human on the earth is an initiate in the Mystery School that we call Life. Whether they are conscious of it or not, every human will experience in the presence of others mirrors of themselves in that moment. If we have the wisdom to recognize those mirrors, we may accelerate the evolution of emotion and understanding.

What the Essenes said was that for us to know and master ourselves in this world, we will see one or some combination of mirrored patterns in others. The seven mirrors are progressively more and more subtle. Back in the ’70s, we heard about the first mirror, of who you are in the moment. The notion was that if you find yourself around individuals who are angry or dishonest, they are showing you your dishonesty or anger. Sometimes the mirrors would apply, but sometimes they wouldn’t. We had discovered the first mirror, but had yet to see the other mirrors, such as the second mirror, which reflects what we judge in the moment.

This is tremendously powerful but very subtle. The ancient Essenes had a very sophisticated understanding of interpersonal human relationships and the role of emotion in those relationships. It’s the role of emotion that we have carefully sifted out of our Western experience up until very recently. Now, as we go back into these texts, we see that it is emotion that proves the power and, when coupled with logic, true magic and miracles occur.

Rupert Spira – All That is Necessary

Rupert Spira in Satsang talking about how experience is all that there is.

The “I” and Experience

By Allan Watts

“While you are watching this present experience, are you aware of someone watching it? Can you find, in addition to the experience itself, an experiencer? Can you, at the same time, read this sentence and think about yourself reading it? You will find that, to think about yourself reading it, you must for a brief second stop reading. The first experience is reading. The second experience is the thought, ‘I am reading.’ Can you find any thinker, who is thinking the thought, I am reading?’ In other words, when present experience is the thought, ‘I am reading,’ can you think about yourself thinking this thought?”

“Once again, you must stop thinking just, ‘I am reading.’ You pass to a third experience, which is the thought, ‘I am thinking that I am reading.’ Do not let the rapidity with which these thoughts can change deceive you into the feeling that you think them all at once.”

“In each present experience you were only aware of that experience. You were never aware of being aware. You were never able to separate the thinker from the thought, the knower from the known. All you ever found was a new thought, a new experience.”

“The notion of a separate thinker, of an ‘I’ distinct from the experience, comes from memory and from the rapidity with which thought changes. It is like whirling a burning stick to give the illusion of a continuous circle of fire. If you imagine that memory is a direct knowledge of the past rather than a present experience, you get the illusion of knowing the past and the present at the same time. This suggests that there is something in you distinct from both the past and the present experiences. You reason, ‘I know this present experience, and it is different from that past experience. If I can compare the two, and notice that experience has changed, I must be something constant and apart.’”

“But, as a matter of fact, you cannot compare this present experience with a past experience. You can only compare it with a memory of the past, which is a part of the present experience. When you see clearly that memory is a form of present experience, it will be obvious that trying to separate yourself from this experience is as impossible as trying to make your teeth bite themselves.”

“To understand this is to realize that life is entirely momentary, that there is neither permanence nor security, and that there is no ‘I’ which can be protected.”

Excerpt of The Wisdom of Insecurity: A Message for an Age of Anxiety by Allan Watts

The Captain of Your Ship

Envision a boat making its way through the water, moving further and further from sight

Just a tiny object amidst an enormous ocean

Its journey comprised of endless possibilities, unlimited potential

Its destination could be anywhere in the world

And while observing this boat, as it glides over the water, nothing is more apparent than the freedom it contains

The beauty in knowing that it can follow its soul into the sunset if it so desires

And as you look on to this phenomenon you’ll notice that it sheds no light on where the boat has been, nor on what has brought it to this point

You won’t see the wrong turns taken, the mistakes made, nor the obstacles that were overcome to get here

What you will see is a seemingly fresh start

Where every second of every minute is a new opportunity for the boat to go where it wants to go, to be what it wants to be

Its wake has no impact on its course

This is one of the most beautiful things about being alive

Every single day provides a blank page in your story for you to fill out as you see fit

Old habits, friends, mistakes, expectations, they exist in whatever capacity you allow them to

But they are not you, they are not indicative of your potential

You are the captain of your ship

Set sail

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